A Confession.

A disclaimer: This post is not meant to be preachy or whiny. I'm simply thinking "out loud" (in the form of this blog) and will take no offense if you find the following thoughts to be little more than internet chatter. Regardless, thanks for taking the time to read (or not read) my ramblings.

Look at this photo. What comes to mind when you see these women? Disgust? Awe? Surprise? Familiarity?

I stumbled upon this article on Glamour.com today and it got me thinking a whole flood of thoughts, most of which I'm going to attempt to make sense of.

Let's start with the beginning. Ever since I can remember (probably around 10 or 11), I've felt as though my body was an alien, hideous thing. As the only black girl most of the time, I had my mostly Caucasian friends to compare myself to, and found that I could never quite look like everyone else (as desperately as I wanted to). I felt as though there was no way that anyone could ever accept it if they knew what my body really looked like, so I had best find other reasons (like cute clothes, nice things, being funny) for people to even want to talk to me. All of this was obviously not true, but that's how I felt. Of course, part of this was simply preteen angst, and feeling like my body was betraying me as it changed and grew.
Flash forward to the middle and end of high school, after 10 years of mentally berating myself at almost any chance. An example of my thoughts? Looks in the mirror, wearing a seemingly cute outfit. Brain: "Wow, you have really fat legs. Like enormous legs. You probably should change, that's disgusting." I would think these thoughts virtually any time I looked at myself in a mirror (keep in mind that I was actually about 25-30 pounds thinner than I am right now). Any compliments I was given was countered with a "Thanks, but you don't know that ____ (fill in self deprecating excuse here)." I never felt pretty or in shape, even though I look back now at pictures and see that I was both of those things.

I'm happy to say that lately I've been trying to counter negative thoughts with positive ones, and taking all the sweet compliments from everyone on the Internet (thanks yet again!) into account. When I started outfit posting almost a year and a half ago, I was surprised by the positive feedback. Perhaps I wasn't as hideous as I thought, and maybe, just maybe, my average figure didn't repel people from reading my blog or liking my outfit. Slowly but surely, I became a little more confident, and although I must admit there are many days that I look in the mirror and wonder why I was born with the body I've been given, I try my best to stay positive and realize that who I am is unique and beautiful, no matter how little resemblance I have to a lithe, Nordic model who is 6'0 feet tall. Part of this confidence is also due to seeing all the inspiring bloggers who are so pretty and stylish, but most of which wouldn't meet the current fashion industry standard of beauty, albeit height or sizewise. Seriously, there are so many gorgeous bloggers out there, it's astounding. (A very great example of a fearless, creative and beautiful blogger is Zana. If you haven't read her blog already, start now! She blows my mind regularly, and is so confident in herself, it's quite inspiring.)

So now, back to the picture.
Glamour is proposing a revolutionary idea: filling their magazine with a wide (no pun intended) range of models, showing more diversity and (most likely) appealing to a great range of the general public. When I saw this picture, the first thing I thought was "Wow, they are all drop dead gorgeous." The second thing I thought was "Hey, wait a second...some of them look like *gasp* me!". There is no denying that these plus size models are all stunning, even if they aren't cookie cutter issue models. This would a good time to mention that I love straight size models just as much as the next fashion blogger BUT one must admit that it would be interesting and different to see high fashion clothes on various bodies, not just those which are closer to resembling clothing racks...

I think that if magazines keep going in this direction, the world of fashion (and blogging) will become stronger and more creative. As the editor in chief of Glamour, Cindi Leive said..."Beauty can exist in many sizes". Who knows? Maybe the next big thing in the blogging world will be a curvy girl of Ugandan descent from a smallish town in BC?*

*A girl can dream, right?